Triton
08-05-2006, 12:53 AM
You punish your kids with "minors," "majors," and "misconducts."
You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.
You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family.
Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
You know the difference between "The Garden," "The Gahden," and "The Gardens."
You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage."
All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.
You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was about a game between Winnipeg and San Jose.
When someone refers to "The Classics," you think they're talking about the Original Six.
Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain.
You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," "Jagr," "Leschyshyn" and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue-tied.
Every time you see the name "Roy" you automatically pronounce it "Wah."
Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.
You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris and Adams divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales conferences.
You refer to your team's enforcers as "chippy players" and you refer to other teams' enforcers as "f---ing little pieces of monkey s---."
When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid says "F---!" but when he says "shutout" before the game is over, you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.
You wonder what Miroslav Satan did to become the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell.
You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs."
You hear the name "Gorbachev" and wonder "what team does HE play for?"
You try to sleep and count hockey players instead of sheep.
You have all the rival team websites on your favorites list.
You find your self saying "don't worry, life too short" October will be here before you know it.
You find stitches and broken noses very attractive.
You speak fluent Canadian, even though you've never been within 1000 miles of the border.
You know who Tretiak is.
Your excuse for falling asleep at lunch has been "the game went into double overtime" more than twice.
You only watch the hockey parts in Happy Gilmore.
You've stopped on a "Cooking with Helga" television show because you heard the word “icing.”
Every time you see a first-grader with a missing front tooth, Theo Fleury immediately comes to mind.
You no longer think of Darcy as a girl's name.
You hear "Welcome To The Jungle" every time a song comes on, no matter what it is.
You think there are 3 periods in basketball.
You show up for games 3 hours early.
You cried when Wayne Gretzky retired.
You have June, July, August, September, and October counted down on ALL your calendars.
You're reading row 6 on the eye chart, and you know what position he played.
You are listening to the radio and a song that is played at the hockey games comes on, you crank it up and go absolutely nuts.
You see a bumper sticker that says "Jesus Saves" and immediately think, "Satan picks up the rebound, he shoots and scores!!!!"
Your kids learn the difference between drive-bys and shootouts while they are on a frozen river.
If in church the Preacher shouts out "oh, Great One" and you start lookin' for Wayne's entrance.
You buy season tickets when you can't afford them.
You name the balls on the pool table after players, by the number on the ball.
You give your six month old niece a hockey puck to use as a teething ring...
You refer to every player on the roster by their nickname, and know every pre game ritual.
When someone tells you to look on the top shelf and you immediately look for a hockey goal somewhere.
You use a hockey puck as a paperweight.
You consider taking your vacation time to use to attend every All Star Weekend within reach.
You keep a hockey stick in your car at all times, just in case a game should HAPPEN to break out.
You consider body checking obnoxious customers at work when they ask a stupid question.
You know the names of every championship cup for every league.
You can name every team your favorite player played for, and the years, and the number he wore.
You sit up until 3 am watching the women's Olympic gold medal game and cry when the US won the gold medal.
You sit up until 1:30 watching the final game of the Stanley cup finals, and cry when Mike Modano cried.
You get in arguments online over whether or not it was a goal, and whether or not Lindy Ruff is a cry baby.
You have certain things you MUST wear for each game, or else the team will lose.
You take a pre-game nap.
You load up on pasta and various other carbs to load up on energy for spectating, heckling the opposing goalie, booing the refs, etc.
You no longer flinch at the pucks flying at the glass.
When someone says that they dropped their gloves, you immediately ask "Who won the fight?"
You thought "Face/Off" was a movie about hockey.
You aren't ashamed to admit that you've seen all the Mighty Ducks movies, and can recite key parts. ("Goalie's bored, Fulton scored...")
You know which referees are biased against your team.
If while cooking dinner your kids run in and say, "Dallas Scored!" and a high five follows along with a dance you have made up for scoring purposes.
You call in sick to work on game days to start your tailgate party & "mentally prepare" for the game.
You add the names of hockey players to your nightly prayers.
You drink nothing but PowerAde.
Every Halloween you dress up as a one of the Hansen Brothers.
You are planning road trips for away games and the schedule isn't out yet.
You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.
You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family.
Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
You know the difference between "The Garden," "The Gahden," and "The Gardens."
You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage."
All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.
You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was about a game between Winnipeg and San Jose.
When someone refers to "The Classics," you think they're talking about the Original Six.
Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain.
You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," "Jagr," "Leschyshyn" and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue-tied.
Every time you see the name "Roy" you automatically pronounce it "Wah."
Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.
You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris and Adams divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales conferences.
You refer to your team's enforcers as "chippy players" and you refer to other teams' enforcers as "f---ing little pieces of monkey s---."
When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid says "F---!" but when he says "shutout" before the game is over, you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.
You wonder what Miroslav Satan did to become the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell.
You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs."
You hear the name "Gorbachev" and wonder "what team does HE play for?"
You try to sleep and count hockey players instead of sheep.
You have all the rival team websites on your favorites list.
You find your self saying "don't worry, life too short" October will be here before you know it.
You find stitches and broken noses very attractive.
You speak fluent Canadian, even though you've never been within 1000 miles of the border.
You know who Tretiak is.
Your excuse for falling asleep at lunch has been "the game went into double overtime" more than twice.
You only watch the hockey parts in Happy Gilmore.
You've stopped on a "Cooking with Helga" television show because you heard the word “icing.”
Every time you see a first-grader with a missing front tooth, Theo Fleury immediately comes to mind.
You no longer think of Darcy as a girl's name.
You hear "Welcome To The Jungle" every time a song comes on, no matter what it is.
You think there are 3 periods in basketball.
You show up for games 3 hours early.
You cried when Wayne Gretzky retired.
You have June, July, August, September, and October counted down on ALL your calendars.
You're reading row 6 on the eye chart, and you know what position he played.
You are listening to the radio and a song that is played at the hockey games comes on, you crank it up and go absolutely nuts.
You see a bumper sticker that says "Jesus Saves" and immediately think, "Satan picks up the rebound, he shoots and scores!!!!"
Your kids learn the difference between drive-bys and shootouts while they are on a frozen river.
If in church the Preacher shouts out "oh, Great One" and you start lookin' for Wayne's entrance.
You buy season tickets when you can't afford them.
You name the balls on the pool table after players, by the number on the ball.
You give your six month old niece a hockey puck to use as a teething ring...
You refer to every player on the roster by their nickname, and know every pre game ritual.
When someone tells you to look on the top shelf and you immediately look for a hockey goal somewhere.
You use a hockey puck as a paperweight.
You consider taking your vacation time to use to attend every All Star Weekend within reach.
You keep a hockey stick in your car at all times, just in case a game should HAPPEN to break out.
You consider body checking obnoxious customers at work when they ask a stupid question.
You know the names of every championship cup for every league.
You can name every team your favorite player played for, and the years, and the number he wore.
You sit up until 3 am watching the women's Olympic gold medal game and cry when the US won the gold medal.
You sit up until 1:30 watching the final game of the Stanley cup finals, and cry when Mike Modano cried.
You get in arguments online over whether or not it was a goal, and whether or not Lindy Ruff is a cry baby.
You have certain things you MUST wear for each game, or else the team will lose.
You take a pre-game nap.
You load up on pasta and various other carbs to load up on energy for spectating, heckling the opposing goalie, booing the refs, etc.
You no longer flinch at the pucks flying at the glass.
When someone says that they dropped their gloves, you immediately ask "Who won the fight?"
You thought "Face/Off" was a movie about hockey.
You aren't ashamed to admit that you've seen all the Mighty Ducks movies, and can recite key parts. ("Goalie's bored, Fulton scored...")
You know which referees are biased against your team.
If while cooking dinner your kids run in and say, "Dallas Scored!" and a high five follows along with a dance you have made up for scoring purposes.
You call in sick to work on game days to start your tailgate party & "mentally prepare" for the game.
You add the names of hockey players to your nightly prayers.
You drink nothing but PowerAde.
Every Halloween you dress up as a one of the Hansen Brothers.
You are planning road trips for away games and the schedule isn't out yet.