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View Full Version : A story I found on another board, hillarious!!



fightstrap50
09-20-2006, 09:18 PM
My Story - Strange but true
April 23 2004 at 1:21 AM
Score 5.0 (1 person) Tigerluva (Login morgy10)




So there I was at game four right, in my Tigers Sweater, number 9 Lanny MacDonald, I am old school you see. With my Tigers cap, sweat pants, striped socks, orange shoe laces, wrist watch, underwear, the whole bit, cheering our boys to a big victory to even up the series.

The entire game that damn Wooley Bully thing was harassing all the Tiger fans in our section. He was throwing boxes, carrying around his "Go Rebels" signs, a real agitator that one, I think he went to the Harvey the Hound Mascot School. But I thought nothing much of it, it was annoying but we were in enemy territory and this was war, so you take you lumps and keep cheering. Well that was that.

Anyhow, after the game I was waiting out side the Tigers locker room to get a glimpse of my victorious heros. I even managed to get an autograph from Kris Russell, a superstar in the making for sure, I'm hanging on to that one. But there was a big goofy looking security gaurd who kept looking at me and talking on his radio. Then, when me and my posse left the security gaurd followed us at a distance, I thought that was sort of strange, but it never hurts to have some protection with you when you're trying to leave enemy territory.

So when we left the Enmax Centrium (I think the Rebels had a power outage, better call Enmax), the cars were beginning to disperse and the parking lot was nearly empty. Then from behind us we heard the rev of an engine, and turned to see a black van speeding towards us, we managed to jump out of the way, and when we did the van slammed on its brakes. I recognized the driver as the goofy security gaurd who had trailed us from before. The side door slid open and before you could say "Reid Scores!!!" Several men jumped out and we were in the back of a dark van speeding to an unknown destination. After a few screeching corners at excessive speeds the van came to a stop, dirty hockey socks were pulled over our eyes so we couldn't see where we were and were taken out of the van and led to another dark room.

We were held in this room for what seemed like hours. Then, through my hockey sock I could see that the lights had turned on and heard several men talking quietly across the room. By this time we were all tied in chairs, anxiously awaiting our fate. One by one the socks were pulled off our heads, and the sudden flood of light blinded me for a second. While I couldn't see much for a split second all I could hear is my captors voices and the drone of 'Rebel Yell' by Billy Idol. I quickly recognized my captors when my eyes adjusted to the light, the first was the gooft security gaurd who tailed us as we left the Centrium, as well as drove the van, another was none other than Rebels owner, coach and GM Brent Sutter, I was shocked. Aslo there was Radar Horning the little Rebels trainer, Rebels PR guy Joel Whitbred, Rebels assistant coaches Dallas Gaume and Cam Ondrek (sp), as well as Woolley Bully, but he had his head off and you'll never guess who it was, none other than Gary Sutter, the oldest Sutter brother, the one who never made it to the NHL. This was all very alarming for me to say the least.

Our interrogation began by each captor taking a turn hypnotizing us and saying things like "Go Rebels Go" "You Love the Rebels" "Cam Ward is a good goalie" "Cam Ward is God" "Cam Ward can do no wrong" and "Dion Phaneuf is the best player in major junior hockey" and studd like that. It was clear what their strategy was, they were trying to brain wash us into becoming Rebels fans. In fact they took off all of our Tigers gear and replaced with Rebels gear, down to the wrist watch and underwear (which really chaffs). The final part of out interrogation was Brent Sutter yelling profanity at us from 2 inches away, to give us the Rebels players experience. All 14 victims cracked and were trying to get autographs and chanting "Go Rebels Go" at the top of their lungs. I managed to avoid the dark side as the plate I have in my head from my tour of Iraq in the first Gulf War has made me immune to hypnosis. But boy, their Jedi mind tricks really gave me a headache. We were each given a Rebels blow horn and sent on our way, no one else realizing what had happened to them. On the way out we passed several Referees lined up waiting their turn in the room.

In the parking lot, while my companions were still chanting "Go Rebels Go" and I was still a little dazed from what I had just been through, and we were all bedecked in Rebels gear, a few Tigers fans who remained behind accosted us and began to verbally abuse us. When they realized that they weren't making as good of head way as Mr. Sutter and his crew made they attacked us. It was a mismatch, as the 5 Tigers fans had a distince advantage over the 13+1 newly converted Rebels fans. They had only been Rebels fans for about 15 minutes but already they faught like Ladislav Kouba. While I was on the ground getting kicked and punched left and right I tried to explain what happened, but to no avail. When they left we were left in a heap bruised and bloodied.

Some time later we were able to get to our cars and head off in various directions. I think some of the victims went to the hostpital, some went to Hotels and were planning on buying property in Red Deer the next day. As for me I went straight to the Police. I told them my story, and all they did was laugh. When they were done laughing the took me out back and started to take turns hitting me with their night sticks, it reminded me a lot of that seen from "The Passion of the Christ" where Jim Cavizel is flogged. I could hear them say "this is Sutter's town, how dare you talk like that about out master." I was thankful for the experience I had in situations like this when I was taken prisoner in the first Gulf War by the Iraqis, also that Red Deer RCMP officers hit like Shay Stephenson, so I was alright when they tired and sent me on my way.

I managed to drive myself back to Medicine Hat, although it did take 16 hours to do so, having to pull over to rest my weary head several times. When I got home I was unsure of what I should do next. Thank God for this forum where hockey fans can come together and comisserate about how they were mistreated by the home team fans and mascots. If it were not for forums like this I am not sure what victims of this type of abuse and assult would do. But I am uncertain what to do next, my story is so outrageous no one will believe it, and I was attacked and abused by both teams fans. I think the unruly fans at the games, such as the Tiger fans I encountered, and the Rebels fans some of you encountered, can be dealt with if they'd stop selling alcahol at games. Who is with me in starting a petition to the League and the Government to have the sale of booze at games stopped? As for Brent Sutter and his strange brian washing, I don't know what can be done. Obviously I am the first victim to not be brain washed, so I am but a lone voice in a crowd.

Also, the last thing I think we should do is start a new message board for fans to talk about how they have been wronged by other fans, to save room on this hockey board, as it is being overtaken.

Stay strong those who have been denigraded, there is strength in numbers and one day Brent Sutter will be brought to justice, and beer will no longer be sold at sporting events.

Keeping the faith,
Go Rebels Go!

Oh God, maybe it did work, I am just slow to react, I am going to cry now!

Tiger Trauma
09-20-2006, 10:50 PM
ROFLMAO!

Haha thats pretty funny, which board was that from?

fightstrap50
09-20-2006, 11:30 PM
this place, pretty darn funny eh.

http://www.network54.com/Forum/290400/

nivek_wahs
09-21-2006, 01:59 AM
That's awesome. Hilarious... is it true? HAHAHA :p