Does anyone have any real good jokes they wouldn't mind sharing with us?I'd love to hear em.
Does anyone have any real good jokes they wouldn't mind sharing with us?I'd love to hear em.
Last edited by Triton; 02-01-2005 at 05:06 PM. Reason: Type error..I'am a perfectionist.
You wanted it here it is : how to get out of a traffic ticketOriginally Posted by canadian eh
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
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Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. Bartender goes, "We don't serve breakfast here."
Hockey Terms
Blueline-- Mark on ribcage from leaning over bar, replaying game.
Redline-- Mark on new sweater from leaning over Wet Paint sign at penalty bench.
Net-- The 25% which goes to winner of 50-50 draw.
Zamboni-- Machine used to fill arena with noxious, poison fumes.
Deke-- "The Enforcer"--leads league in PIMs.
PIMs-- Rating system for unskilled players.
Offside-- Hitting on the team owner's daughter.
Pass-- See Offside.
Score-- See Offside--Also see "Traded."
Rink-- Weekend hangout for parents.
Bodycheck-- Test rink boards, glass, for durability.
Slapshot-- Movie poking fun at Canada's national past-time.
Hooking-- What the gal in the thigh-length boots up in Section 14 does for a living.
Shoot-- What religious kids say after missing wide-open net.
#@$%&#-- What religious kids say after missing net in Week 2 of season.
Scoreboard-- Place for annoying company signs and logos.
Europeans-- Skilled players who refuse to watch Coach's Corner.
Play by Play-- Break between TV commercials.
Penalty Box-- Good place for TV close-ups of players mouthing the "F" word at each other.
I have many, many jokes...but unfortunetly, they are all offensive.
Did you about the guy who walked into a doctors office with a frog on his head?
The doctor asks "can I help you"
And the frog says "can you cut this wart off my a** (bum)"
Drop the Puck
A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"
Mama answered, "Not yet."
An engineer died and ended up in Hell.
> He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell,
> and began to redesign and build improvements.
> After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and
> escalators.
>
> Everyone grew very fond of him.
>
> One day God called Satan. "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
> asked God.
>
> Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and
> flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer
> is going to come up with next!"
>
> God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake.
> He should never have gotten down there in the first place.
> Send him back up here."
>
> "No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer,
> and I'm keeping him."
>
> God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
>
> Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right.
> And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
While attending a Maple Leaf game this guy notices another guy with a dog at his side.To his amazement he notices that everytime the Leafs score the dog does a somersault.Again the Leafs score and again the dog does a somersault.This goes on 3 or 4 times until he finally just can't stand it anymore and has to ask this guy why his dog does a somersault everytime the Leafs score.So he gets up and goes over to where the guy with the dog is sitting and says:
"Excuse me sir,I have a question about your dog.I noticed that everytime the Leafs score a goal your dog does a somersualt.Why is that?"
The guy with the dog replies:
"I know,it's wierd,I have no explanation.Everytime the Leafs score he does a somersault."
First guy then says:
"What does he do when the Leafs win?"
The guy with the dog replies:
"I don't know,I've only had him 10 years!!!"
Yeah and we won't know for another 10 years.Originally Posted by langdak
KELOWNA ROCKETS 2004 MEMORIAL CUP CHAMPIONS!
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