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Thread: Jokes...

  1. #21

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    This guy goes to the bar,spends quite a while there,and starts on his journey home.As he's walking home pissed drunk,he pukes all over himself,ruining the new shirt the wife had bought him.The wife finds out and goes bazerk,telling him to that if he comes home again full of puke..she's gone.So he goes back to the bar the next week,while sitting in the bar for a while he tells his friend that he has to ease up on the booze fearing that he'll ge sick all over himself and his wife will leave him.The guy comes up with an idea that if he put a 50 dollar bill inside his front shirt pocket and he pukes he'll tell his wife that his buddy puked on him and gave him the 50 for dry cleaning.So he places the 50 in his pocket...continues to drink and pukes.So he returns home later that night and the wife is fuming,he says..no,no my friend got sick on me and gave me a 50 for the cleaning,check my pocket then.So she does and there is the 50..along side another 50.The wife asks,how come there are two 50's in here she says.The husband replies..oh thats cause my friend also crapped in my pants on the way home.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
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    Kelowna
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    During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners
    asks the students, one by one -
    "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a
    nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
    to go to the bathroom?" she asked.
    "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

    The teacher replied "That would be rude and
    impolite!"

    "What about you John, how would you say it?"
    "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the
    bathroom, I'll be right back."

    The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's
    still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the
    table."

    "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence
    for once and show us your good manners?"

    "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
    moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend
    of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."

    The teacher fainted..

  3. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jovorock
    During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners
    asks the students, one by one -
    "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a
    nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
    to go to the bathroom?" she asked.
    "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

    The teacher replied "That would be rude and
    impolite!"

    "What about you John, how would you say it?"
    "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the
    bathroom, I'll be right back."

    The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's
    still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the
    table."

    "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence
    for once and show us your good manners?"

    "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
    moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend
    of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."

    The teacher fainted..
    Thats an awesome joke..loving it..

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Kelowna
    Posts
    1,230

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    Quote Originally Posted by canadian eh
    Thats an awesome joke..loving it..
    Say hello to my little friend.

    A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Saskatchewan R.C.M.P.
    Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book,she said,"I bet your are going to sell me a ticket to the R.C.M.P. Ball.

    "He replied, Ma'am, Saskatchewan R.C.M.P. don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Red Deer
    Posts
    140

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    Sorry if any one is blonde and takes offence to these jokes
    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says
    "I need you to come over here, I need your help"
    Boyfriend"Why, hunny what is it"
    Blonde "Im doing this jigsaw puzzle and i cant figure it out"
    Boyfriend "Whats it suppose to be?
    Blonde looks at the box
    Blonde replies"from the cover of the box it looks like its suppose to be a tiger"
    Boyfriend"Okay i'll be right over"

    Boyfriend arrives looks at the table, and sighs.. "Hunny you'll never be able to complete this puzzle, you just cant"
    But the blonde was very determined
    Boyfriend, "hunny, just sit down and relax, While I put the Kelloges Corn Flakes Back in the Box"
    hehe


  6. #26
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    Jan 2005
    Location
    Kelowna
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    The World's Shortest Fairy Tale



    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?".



    The girl said, "No!".



    And the guy lived happily ever after. And went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.



    THE END

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Regina
    Posts
    4,552

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    A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

    The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
    Last edited by nivek_wahs; 10-09-2006 at 05:43 AM.

  8. #28
    IR GARD Guest

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    After 5 years of marriage, this couple was at home one night talking about what they would like to improve on their bodies, for one another.

    The wife said to her husband, "Honey, for you, I would like to have bigger breasts for you!"

    The husband replied, "Really, I know how you can do it too, It's just like magic!!"

    "How can that be done?", she asked.

    "Well, first you get some toilet paper and then you bunch it up into a ball. Then 3 to 4 times a day you take that toilet paper and you rub it between your boobs", the husband replied.

    The wife responds, "That is impossible, How can that happen?"

    The husband calmly stated, "Well honey, it worked on your a** (bum)".

    Last edited by IR GARD; 10-11-2005 at 11:39 PM.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Northeast Oregon,close to TC
    Posts
    2,576

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    Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

    All the typical answers came up like fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharecteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about his father.

    Johnny said "My father is an exotic dancer at a gay bar and takes all his clothes off in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Johnny aside to ask him "Is that really true about your father?"

    "Well, not really" said Johnny, "he plays for the Vancouver Canucks, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hermiston Ams Fan
    Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

    All the typical answers came up like fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharecteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about his father.

    Johnny said "My father is an exotic dancer at a gay bar and takes all his clothes off in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Johnny aside to ask him "Is that really true about your father?"

    "Well, not really" said Johnny, "he plays for the Vancouver Canucks, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

    LOL..too funny.

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